Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I just went to dinner (I'm at uni). I got there late because I had class, so there was limited seating left. So I sit next to a girl who I don't mind. She's pretty quiet but she was pretty nice. Anyway there were these two guys I know, and who I like a lot. They are easy to talk to. Not too much pressure there. Then there is another girl, who I cannot for the life of me figure out. I asked her a question about how she likes her job and she tells me, but in shorthand and then looks away to talk to someone else. Now, my mind is more suscpetible to take the negative route. My first thought 'Oh she doesn't like me.' Then the voice of reason 'But she doesn't even know you.' I don't know if you ever have girls like that in your life. You know those really aggressive, fiesty girls who you'd want on your side if someone wanted to fight you? Yeah, thats her. But I don't know, i feel extremely uncomfortable around her, and I was jogging with a fellow uni student who told me that she disliked a girl at college, because she felt like it. That she was annoying. I should never have listened to that guy, you know why? Because it's like there are egg shells around this girl now. I'm not wanting to marry this girl or anything. To be honest, I don't even want to be friends with her. But I'd love to have a 'hello, how are you?, like your dress' kind of relationship. I love to know where I stand with people, which hints to my controlling kind of manner. I hate that I can't control other peoples reactions to me. But then again, I'm jumping to conclusions, I don't know what she thinks. But I just don't want to be caught up in that shit if its occuring. Because I have better things to do... like living my life.
Over and out,
Over and out,
Sunday, April 25, 2010
For some reason over the past couple of weeks, I've been subjecting myself to the most utter, internal torture. Whoa, dramatic much? you say. Well that's how it is. You know when your brain, your mind tell you something different from reality, but you can only summon those dark thoughts that your mind cultivates? Well that's been me over the last week, and believe me, and I'm sure you know yourself... it's torture. I've been waking up every morning, terrified of whats going to be that day. But its never anything bad. Never. No one is hardly ever mean to me (fingers crossed), people talk to me, ring me. i have friends. But my mind tells me otherwise, and I believe it. I want to be able to get up in the morning and to be OK. To not have to tell myself that everything is fine, that I'll be OK. Because most of the time I am. Universe, God, Mother Nature, please help me to get out of this rut.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Guess what I ordered in..... woop woop!!However mine are not these beautiful pink or white, however they are a chocolate brown and get this... there were none for women!! I had to order a pair of men shoes. Ridiculous I tell you. But I'm excited anyway. Note to you fellow shoppers out there. Make sure you get jobs at retail stores, even if you don't work there any more the staff give you their discount still!! Shhhh. Enjoy your beautiful Friday morning.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
As I sit here, typing away, my orange painted fingernails furoiusly scan and press on the tiny buttons. I look around... luke warm lamp that my mother adores stands comfortingly to the left. My body eases into the butter yellow couch, creating a mould around my figure. I look to my left, a dvd placed haphazardly reminds me of my evening, cuddled up in a blanket, escaping reality... and now I sleep.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
You know when you like someone, and you have no basis in liking them. You've spoken two words to them, and for some reason you just find yourself trying to find them in crowds, or if you do you avert your eyes and keep walking. It's hell I really dislike it, because I hate being so reliant on this person's presence. It freaks me out, I hate not having control over the feelings that run through me. Ugh, I'm so girly.
Over and out,
Over and out,
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
So I couldn't add Tavi Gevinson's blog because it already has is maximum following... 1000! or it could have been 10000, I was freaking out. But I don't blame the followers. This girl knows her shit. Whoever thought I'd want to follow such a young blogger. Seriously... check it out http://www.thestylerookie.com/. It's epic.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
I don't know about you, but I was thinking today that I actually don't enjoy going on Facebook. It's more of a chore or an obsession, which kind of makes me apprehensive about the whole thing. I mean, put it in another context, like not wanting to eat the banana in front of you, you don't do it. But I get back into my room and I see my laptop, look away, look at it again and then basically lunge for the keyboard. How strange is that? It's almost like I'm brainwashed. It doesn't give me a sense of peace or contentment after I look at it either. It does the opposite.
Monday, March 15, 2010
No I have not been ignoring this blog. I have however since we've last spoken, enrolled in university. Thus I will paint a perfect picture of myself. I am sitting in a shoebox of a room. (It's lovely, it really is, my own piece of space). I have 'The theory of the modern stage' opened to page 264. My hands write briskly as I sit infront of my laptop which has just been fixed. And I'm procrastinating. I think I've just encapsulated the uni experience. Also guess what?! (Mind the sarcastic tone) I want to talk to boys sooo badly. And believe me, not in a slutty kind of way, but to just hold my head up and hold a conversation. I mean really how hard could it be. Do I overthink things, whats the go? Please someone just tell me how to do it. I am so ready for the 'Aha!' moment, which is so long overdue. What am I doing. I'm going out of my brain. Do you know how repetitive putting my head down is. Extremely. Excuse the rant. It's just the way I feel.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Although most... OK all reality TV is fairly shallow and transparent, for some reason it has such a psychological hold upon my mind. I just crave it. Like it was Tim Tam's. I am currently hooked on ''The City" a TV show about the priveleged life of Whitney Port, who (if I do say so myself) is one of the best dressed women I have seen. I'm sure if you wanted to admit it you know exactly what TV show I'm talking about and hopefully you understand my shameful addiction to this world full of drama, two faced women and exstensive bangle wearing/nail painted divas.
"The girl can dress Cher" Olivia has fabulous taste in fashion. Too bad she leaves you pulling at your hair when she speaks. She creates sooo much conflict. This show would be nothing without her. Snaps for you Olivia.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
In the less than 16 days, I'm going to be known as what is commonly referred to as... Uni student. And I'm terrified. You know crying on the inside. Not that dramatic but you get the gist. At the moment I'm not really nervous, but I'm afraid that I'll get there and then suddenly WHAM! it'll whack me in the gut and I'll be a nervous wreck. You see I actually gave the boarding school thing a shot at the young age of 15 and the exact thing happened to me. I was getting my stuff into the shared room and suddenly it all hit. I don't know these girls, what was I thinking, I'M FOUR HOURS AWAY FROM MY HOME! 6 months later I'm home and safe, but I think you understand the reservations I might have about moving away again. Obviously things have changed. I mean maturity, independence, adulthood. Anyway. What can you do? Noooot much.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Men... yes a veyr cliche problem, however I'm a fairly cliche kinda gal. So lets just say I've never had great success with boys - translation... I've never had a relationship. 18 years old, it's almost abnormal these days. The problem I have with boys is that I see them as a foreign species. One that has its own sarcatic language, presentation and the way in which the view the human body. Now this foreigness that I feel makes me fiercely shy. No seriously... looking at the ground - DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT shy. And yet I crave a relationship. I mean c'mon it's about time anyway. 18 year drought haha, how would you feel all you people who've 'been there done that'!? I don't know. I have this pre determined kind of epiphany. One day I'll just wake up and I'll be completely content with the male species - aka I'll see them as equals, not as aliens from Uranus. Haha couldn't help myself hehe... Uranus.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
As I sit here blogging, I really want to write something meaningful, but all I have is generic 18 year old queries and beliefs in my head. Although I'm quite quiet when I want to be, and some may see me to be someone who sits back, and just goes with the flow, I have always had a strong refusal to not be categorised, especially with people my own age. For example, considering I'm from a small country town in the Australia, it isn't too hard to be different fashion wise, because well, everyone basically wears the same thing. I purposely go out of my way to find different trends, search the World wide web and Op shops in order to come up with something that says 'hey I'm different don't mess with me'. It may not come off that way, but geez it makes me feel original. So this blog is celebrating the individuality within everyone and the unexplainable determination within everyone of us to prove ourselves... to be free from constriction. As Cecil Beaton says:
"Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary."
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
OK, so now is the time... at the ripe age of 18 (woah) to come clean. I am absolutely terrified of the night. Yes I said. You may laugh, you may go 'Oh my God, so am I' or you may say 'Sweet Baby Jesus this girl psychiatric assistance!'. But ever since I was about 10 and would come home after school and secretly watch 'The last of the Mohican's' with Daniel Day Lewis, I have had the greatest fear of a person, entity of the demonic tendency or a ghost coming into my house to disturb my mostly calm existence. Now don't get me wrong, I have a firm grip on reality, however my imagination has a firmer grip on the inner child within me that absorbs every noise, ghost story or scary film. And it doesn't help that my family has left for Cronulla for a couple of days, leaving me to work in my casual shoe shop job... and alone in our big, 90 year old, three generations ago house that creaks and stores possums in its roof. I mean most 18 year olds would be like 'heck yes, party at mine', but I am sooo the opposite. I even check under my bed, in my closet and behind the curtains. Yes, yes it's true.