I just went to dinner (I'm at uni). I got there late because I had class, so there was limited seating left. So I sit next to a girl who I don't mind. She's pretty quiet but she was pretty nice. Anyway there were these two guys I know, and who I like a lot. They are easy to talk to. Not too much pressure there. Then there is another girl, who I cannot for the life of me figure out. I asked her a question about how she likes her job and she tells me, but in shorthand and then looks away to talk to someone else. Now, my mind is more suscpetible to take the negative route. My first thought 'Oh she doesn't like me.' Then the voice of reason 'But she doesn't even know you.' I don't know if you ever have girls like that in your life. You know those really aggressive, fiesty girls who you'd want on your side if someone wanted to fight you? Yeah, thats her. But I don't know, i feel extremely uncomfortable around her, and I was jogging with a fellow uni student who told me that she disliked a girl at college, because she felt like it. That she was annoying. I should never have listened to that guy, you know why? Because it's like there are egg shells around this girl now. I'm not wanting to marry this girl or anything. To be honest, I don't even want to be friends with her. But I'd love to have a 'hello, how are you?, like your dress' kind of relationship. I love to know where I stand with people, which hints to my controlling kind of manner. I hate that I can't control other peoples reactions to me. But then again, I'm jumping to conclusions, I don't know what she thinks. But I just don't want to be caught up in that shit if its occuring. Because I have better things to do... like living my life.
Over and out,
Sunday, April 25, 2010
For some reason over the past couple of weeks, I've been subjecting myself to the most utter, internal torture. Whoa, dramatic much? you say. Well that's how it is. You know when your brain, your mind tell you something different from reality, but you can only summon those dark thoughts that your mind cultivates? Well that's been me over the last week, and believe me, and I'm sure you know yourself... it's torture. I've been waking up every morning, terrified of whats going to be that day. But its never anything bad. Never. No one is hardly ever mean to me (fingers crossed), people talk to me, ring me. i have friends. But my mind tells me otherwise, and I believe it. I want to be able to get up in the morning and to be OK. To not have to tell myself that everything is fine, that I'll be OK. Because most of the time I am. Universe, God, Mother Nature, please help me to get out of this rut.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Guess what I ordered in..... woop woop!!However mine are not these beautiful pink or white, however they are a chocolate brown and get this... there were none for women!! I had to order a pair of men shoes. Ridiculous I tell you. But I'm excited anyway. Note to you fellow shoppers out there. Make sure you get jobs at retail stores, even if you don't work there any more the staff give you their discount still!! Shhhh. Enjoy your beautiful Friday morning.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
As I sit here, typing away, my orange painted fingernails furoiusly scan and press on the tiny buttons. I look around... luke warm lamp that my mother adores stands comfortingly to the left. My body eases into the butter yellow couch, creating a mould around my figure. I look to my left, a dvd placed haphazardly reminds me of my evening, cuddled up in a blanket, escaping reality... and now I sleep.